I recently made a decision to be less angry.
Now, I wouldn’t say I’m an overly angry person but right now things are straight up tough. I’m a stay at home mom. We have a 4 year old and 2 year old and it. is. hard. In fact, it is beyond hard, it is excruciatingly difficult. Parenting requires an obscene amount of patience, especially when they are young, and just when you think you can’t take anymore, when you think you have stretched way, WAY beyond your limit, somehow, you get stretched further. And as you sit there, almost devoid of any real emotion at all, there’s anger, just eagerly waiting in your back pocket, anticipating THE moment.
Kids are kids. I get that. They are going to fight. They are going to yell. They are going to scream. Except, when I don’t get that, because sometimes I forget. I forget on the grounds of my own sanity. I forget because I have had 36 years of me and only 4 of them. And I forget when looking through the beautiful and elusive veil of hope because sometimes I just need things to be different or easier. But it’s in these moments, when I’m caught off guard, that anger bites the hardest.
It makes sense. Anger is instantly gratifying. It’s usually intense and short-lived and when you have a lot going on that’s often all you have time for. Whereas sadness – angers delicate and lifelong duelling partner – requires more time. You need to almost fall in to it and indulge. It’s drawn out and sometimes painful but man do I miss it. I don’t even have time for a good cry these days. But life is never situationally dependent, it’s about our choices and our actions. How can we expect things to change if we aren’t constantly re-evaluating ourselves and the ways we cope?
Whether it’s parenting, work stress, family conflict or the same damn argument with your partner, we all face situations where we are stretched beyond our limit and in those moments we tend to bite. Yet, we don’t have to be caught off guard. Finding some level of acceptance, some level of peace within the rocky terrain can help. Life is hard, life is difficult and within these truths a small portal can emerge, maybe one that is open a little more often than it’s closed and maybe one that allows just a tiny bit of that delicate sadness to sneak through.
When we are angry we try to hold on tighter and when we are sad we let go a little easier. Sadness opens us up and anger closes us off. Don’t get me wrong, I still get mad – it would be straight up crazy not to – but after I made this decision something changed. That portal opened, just ever so slightly, and it’s been sitting there in the back of my mind ever since. It’s definitely filled with weighted and heavy material but it seems to become more manageable with recognition and familiarity. It helps me to let go of the anger a little quicker. It helps me to tap in to the part of me that just needs a hug and some reassurance and it allows me to taste just a small amount of that sadness while still moving forward, while still going because sometimes that is all I need.
Life is tough right now and that’s ok.
No more Jif casualties