When you’re not quite ready to feel good

So it’s Tuesday night and I haven’t written anything yet. To be honest, I struggled pretty hard with what to post this week. Even though I love to write, and I know that it makes me feel good, I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to feel good, you know? 

After I gluttonized myself to no end over the holidays and ignored the part of myself that craves even just the slightest bit of balance and routine, it was brutally hard to get back on that horse. 

I always start with the physical aspect of things – healthier eating and exercise -because my body tends to scream when I don’t, and normally my thoughts and feelings always follow suit, but not this time. 

I guess there’s still a part of me that wants to wallow a little bit and indulge in my tiny dramas and anxieties. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to think about life in the big picture sense and write meaningful words. 

And I think that’s ok. 

If there’s one thing you can’t rush or fake, it’s how you feel. It goes at its own pace, it needs space to breathe and if you try to force it, you’ll just end up in worse shape than you were when you started. 

Commitments are hard – even when you know how good they can make you feel – and continuing means there are going to be a wide variety of days; good, bad, half ass and 110%. So unfortunately, this is my half ass. 

I’m just not ready to feel good, you know? So for now, I’m going to zone out and watch The Office, because my mind is screaming for it.