How To De-skin A Hot Dog – The Intricacies of Life

I recently discovered that my son will only eat hot dogs if they have been de-skinned – or I guess you could just say skinned? Unlike most writers, I like words that aren’t actually words, so de-skinned it is. 

If you’ve never de-skinned a hot dog before, let me paint you a picture. 

At first, you might try to stand the hot dog up in order to approach it from a better angle. While trying to delicately pierce the nearly non-existent skin, you will soon realize the force required to actually slice the dog is much greater than the stability of its girth – this will cause it to buckle and fold in on itself.

Then, you might try to lay the hot dog down. You will position yourself accordingly in order to access a bird’s-eye view – this is imperative when trying to account for curvature, as to not extricate any more of the dog then what’s required. 

You will then begin to de-skin. 

Your technique will start off strong, you will even think to yourself, this isn’t hard at all, what was Taylor talking about? Just as your confidence and resulting expectations begin to flourish, you will start to deviate. At first, too little, then, too much. Your hot dog will begin to resemble one of those french fries from McDonalds that are crispy and structured on the ends, but limp, thin and oh so wilted in the middle. 

You will pause and think why is this so damn hard?

As your kids begin to scream in the background, “I’m hungry!!!”, you will try to maintain your composure. As you trudge on, you will yearn for the end, for a fully de-skinned hot dog. It will seem impossible at times, even unbearable, but you will undoubtedly make it through. 

Then, you will rejoice in your achievement and start to kick up your heels. And as you sit and begin to reflect, you will start to wonder…

Maybe I should have cut the hot dog into manageable bit sized pieces? The de-skinning would have likely been unfathomably easier – a tiny slice and quick peel all around. Although, it would definitely need a rename – something like ‘hot dog deconstruct’… 

Or maybe I should have boiled the hot dogs instead of pan-frying, as to not feature and pronounce the skin, keeping it somewhat inconspicuous… 

…

C’est la vie. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash