How To Take Life Advice From A Spider

  1. Lay on the couch and let yourself crumble into a million pieces. As you sob uncontrollably let your gaze slowly drift to the subtle movement of the spider on your ceiling. 
  2. Stop crying immediately and become pensive, almost philosophical. Grasp for any shred of meaning you can.
  3. Imagine the spiders journey – imagine its struggles. Find similarities to your own struggles by drawing lines and connecting the dots. Watch as it trudges through a vast sea of nothingness – a seemingly endless white, popcorn terrain of ceiling. 
  4. Reflect on how fucking hard it must be to walk completely upside down. 
  5. Notice how close the spider is to the side wall.
  6. Vocalize your words of encouragement – “You can do it!”, “You’re so close!” 
  7. Realize that in this particular situation you have the gift of perspective, you can see the side wall…the spider cannot. 
  8. Get irritated when the spider stops dead in its tracks – for a good 2 minutes – merely inches away from the side wall. 
  9. Yell in your head, “GO!!!”, “You’re almost there!”
  10. Think. Reflect. Contemplate. Grasp for any shred of meaning you can. 
  11. Change your thinking entirely in order to make meaning and sense of the spiders lack of movement: ‘Maybe it doesn’t need things to get easier, maybe it’s so used to things being hard that anything different feels scary.’
  12. Notice the spider move just a teeny tiny bit; enough to let you know that you’re wrong, but also to let you know that your thoughts are headed in the right direction. 
  13. Change your thinking, again. This time, let go of the idea of ever landing on or coming close to any real answer whatsoever. 
  14. In a semi defeated and frustrated state tell the spider to, “Do whatever you need to do!”
  15. Watch as the spider walks onto the side wall, just briefly, and then watch as it walks back onto the ceiling…then again onto the side wall, and then back onto the ceiling. 
  16. Think about the ebb and flow of life and the ebb and flow of what it means to be human. 
  17. Think about the many different aspects of yourself and contemplate as to how you can lean into them and just be with them, rather than trying to solve, fix or extinguish. 
  18. Take a long pause. 
  19. Then take another long pause. 
  20. Realize that life is funny and beautiful, and because you just spent the last 7 minutes of your life interacting and hoping to gain some wisdom from a spider on your ceiling, you’re actually doing pretty good in the funny department. 

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